I have a very special guest this week – my husband, Andrew! I wanted to do an episode on what it’s like to support a partner with ADHD. Andrew doesn’t have ADHD, but I very much do (if you haven’t noticed!) We’ve been together for 16 years and married for almost 10. I wanted him to share his perspective on communicating and working together. ADHD and relationships aren’t easy, but Andrew helps me keep my symptoms under control. He’s my accountability partner! 

3 Ways Andrew Helped Me Better Manage My ADHD

I asked Andrew what it’s like to be married to me as someone with ADHD. He’s been so supportive, patient, and kind while helping me better manage my ADHD symptoms. Understanding the dynamics of ADHD and relationships helps us navigate communication challenges more effectively. These are some ways he has helped me reduce my ADHD symptoms.

1. Routines and Habits

When we first got married and started living together, Andrew noticed that I didn’t have any routines to keep me on task without getting distracted. I would always lose things because I didn’t have designated places for things or an order to do things. 

Getting those routines in place didn’t come naturally to me, but it did to Andrew. I asked him to help me create my first routines and habits to stay organized at home. We worked together to find one place for everything I owned. Before, I would put my purse, keys, or phone down somewhere and lose them all the time.

2. Decluttering

For six years, I was constantly moving around the country. I was attending Purdue University in Indiana, had NASA internships in California or Florida, and my home base was in Houston. After college, I got a job in New York but still had the majority of my stuff in Houston. I was bouncing back and forth between all these places for a few months at a time and was always on the go. I ended up with double or sometimes triple of the same item because it was more convenient to leave my stuff in each place versus bringing everything with me every few months.

Getting married and moving in together was the first time I had all my belongings in one place after 10 years. Combining everything was very overwhelming, but decluttering and minimalism helped me reduce distractions in my home. Andrew helped me go through all my stuff and decided what I actually needed to keep and what could be donated or thrown away. 

It was difficult for me to let go of things but I remember the huge load that was lifted off my shoulders when I realized how much I had and was letting go. It was the best feeling in the world because suddenly, I was not feeling overwhelmed by my belongings. Everything had its place.

3. Time Efficiency

Andrew also helped me with time management. The more I had a defined calendar, the better. Lists and calendars helped me stay on track with my tasks and meetings. I switched from paper planners and calendars to digital ones. I put everything on my phone to get reminders to keep me on track and on time. I wouldn’t survive without my digital calendar today!

Andrew’s Advice for Someone With an ADHD Partner

We’ve been together for a long time and he’s learned along the way what works for me and what doesn’t. This is some of his advice for other people with an ADHD spouse.

Be an Accountability Partner

Andrew is my accountability partner. He would get nervous and stressed when I had something important to do. He knew that if I missed it or something happened, I would be upset. So, I started checking in with him and letting him know when I accomplished things or finished a meeting or appointment. Open and honest communication is key when navigating ADHD and relationships.

Let me be clear—he didn’t ask me to do this, and he isn’t controlling. I need accountability, and him allowing me to check in and update him on my day helps me a lot. Having him depend on me for something keeps me accountable and pushes me to follow through. 

Be Honest

Tell your spouse that you see the issue and make recommendations on how to solve it, but come from a place of love. People with ADHD often live a certain way for so long that they think it’s normal. It was normal for me to lose my keys, but it wasn’t for Andrew because he had a habit of putting things in the same place every day. He recognized that I didn’t have that structure and helped me implement it in my life. If your ADHD partner can get routines down, other healthy habits like time blocking and calendar management become easier.

Appreciate Your Partner’s Strengths

I always say that ADHD is a superpower. Our brains work differently and sometimes it’s for the better. Andrew is very routine-driven, so sometimes, he doesn’t notice things that I do or consider doing things outside of his routine. I occasionally step outside my routine and find something fun for us to do as a family, and he’s totally on board. He appreciates my spontaneity. 

We work as a team to make each other better every single day. Some days are easier than others, but I know he’s my partner for life and will always be there for me! It was so fun having Andrew on the podcast and I hope you enjoyed his perspective on ADHD and relationships.

Related Episodes:

Episode 13: Home Habits I Live By for a Happy and Healthy Home

Episode 19: Declutter Your Mind: Decluttering Tips for ADHD Management in Adults

Episode 21: A Tailored Daily Routine at Home for ADHD Adults to Boost Focus